AUE on New Technology

This material was extracted from the thread Seven Years' War? what is the rule for the apostrophe? by Laura Spira.

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Mike Lyle:

[...] On the other hand, as is well known, poor little old Napoleon only found himself in places like Egypt and the suburbs of Moscow as an unfortunate result of having been tempted by a dodgy bargain GPS in Amazon's spring sale: could happen to any democratically-elected Emperor, for heaven's sake!

LFS:

Love it! What other historical events could have turned out very differently had modern technology been available?

Mike Lyle:

Well, three occasions come to mind.

"Don't be so superstitious, Caspar! It's only a supernova."

"We've just had an email from a lady in Punt who's heard it's going to rain for forty days and forty nights. Well, it isn't."

"Bloody hell, Sergeant! The DNA on the weapon shows it can't have been Cain!"

Isabelle Cecchini

Not strictly history, but here it goes:

"I beseech you, Emilia, hand me forthwith my box of tissues" 1604 Shakesp. Oth. II. iv

"...i've talked with frier laurie. he'll tell u about his plan, it's wicked, check yur e-mail. i luv u. julie"

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Subject: redecorating
From: Gertie <[email protected]>
Newsgroup: alt.support.second.marriage

Dear all
I'm thinking of replacing the old moth-eaten arras with cheerful wallpaper, possibly in a large tasteful flowery pattern, with daisies, violets, and maybe a sprig or two of rosemary and rue. Has anyone got experience with wallpaper on rather damp walls?

TIA
Gertie
Hubby is no help, as ever, and the sprog is still sulking. Fat help they're going to be.

Note to dear Jane E.: Yes, of course, you should redo the attic, and don't let Mr R. talk you out of it.
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R H Draney:

The Battle of New Orleans wouldn't have happened...Douglas Corrigan would have needed a different nickname or at least a better excuse...the money spent to build the Maginot Line could have been applied to something more useful....

And if Moctezuma Xocoyotzin could have Googled Cortés, he would have had him put to death the minute he stepped ashore....

R H Draney:

Martin Luther hacks the www.schlosskirche.org website, replacing the home page with a link to his own blog, www.fuenf-und-neunzig.com.

tony cooper

Mary Todd Lincoln reads a bad online review of "Our American Cousin" and suggests that they stay home that night.

Richard Bollard:

Joseph to Mary: "I want a blood test, now!"

The Macedonian Royal family: Phillip, his crazy wife and their brilliant-but-disturbed son Alexander, trying to work out their problems on Dr Phil.

Marie Antoinette being coached by spin-doctors before an appearance on Oprah to try to explain away the cake comment (that's gone viral on YouTube).

Mark Brader:

The Zimmermann Telegram is transmitted using secure encryption, the US never enters World War I, and the North American rights to the trade names Bayer and Aspirin remain in the hands of the Bayer company.

John Tyler and Chester Arthur never get to be president.

Lord Cardigan, commanding the Light Brigade, gets a radio message, "No, not *those* guns!"

At Galileo's heresy trial, he tries to cite Wikipedia in support of his scientific views, but it's been edited by the prosecution and says what *they* want, so he's still convicted.

Christopher Columbus cancels his voyage westward to Asia after checking Google Earth and discovering the Americas blocking the route.

The Disney company lobbies for another 20-year copyright-term extension, so that their animated characters will still be in copyright even after the imminent expiry of the existing 27,395-year term.

John Kane:

Dodgy GPS? March of the Ten Thousand sees Greek restaurants opening in Bejing.

Christopher Columbus discovers Antarctica.

First Crusade liberated Dublin.

Eric the Red settles in Rio de Janiero.